Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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