My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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