The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
