They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
