I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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