Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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