so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
