you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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