I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
