Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
