the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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