I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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