Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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