So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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