Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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