hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
