Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
