Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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