Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
