Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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