honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
