Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
