Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
