take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
