the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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