don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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