I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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