I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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