he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
