Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
