on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
