turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
