So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
