He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
