my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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