Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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