He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
