Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no, he came in my armpit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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