Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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