Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
