xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
