meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
