this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
