just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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