I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
