I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
