Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
