Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
