Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
