i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
