A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
