mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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