In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
